in deep love.

my head and eyes swelled yet again today.

i have already said this and i am going to say it again -

i am in love with Syaikh Khalil Moore’s lectures.
really. i am.
why?
Tarim.
Tarim was all over the place when he spoke. images of Tarim were everywhere when he spoke. the full-of-nuur faces of the Haba’ib in Tarim appeared every now and then when he spoke. he made me yearn more and more for Tarim and its people when he spoke. he has this thing inside him which made me feel as if i was really in Tarim. yes, to that extent. so tell me, how could the eyes and head not swell??

i wish i could make him stay in singapore till the end of my time. ok that sounded selfish. let me rephrase. i wish i could make him stay in singapore till THE END OF TIME.

you would have to attend at least one of his lectures to get the gist of what i am talking about.

i am speechless.

i do not think i am able to sleep tonight. i want to draft a few plans on how to make the blessed Syaikh Khalil stay in singapore FOREVER. if that does not work, i will draft a plan on how to abduct him. (would i get arrested by saying this on my blog? they know i am kidding, right? but maybe if they themselves make it a point to attend Syaikh Khalil’s lectures, they would want to do the same too!!)

i had thousands of questions to ask and millions of issues to discuss. i did wait till the end of the workshop and the end of his meet-the-participants session to humbly approach him. and then i hesitated. my sister was literally FORCING and PUSHING me to move forward towards him. i couldn’t. i just could not. and i do not know why. i mean i think i do know why, but…….. alah susah lah nak cakap. takpelah, lain kali je lah. thing is, i know he knew i had wanted to meet him.

and the best part?

it was when my sister and me were watching him walking towards the car. and then what happened next made my heart freeze. for like 5 seconds? i am not too sure if i did the right thing. but that thing which i had done came naturally and without me intending to do it. 

somebody please make Syaikh Khalil Moore stay!!!

and sisters of mine - you know who you are - i am truly extremely happy to have met every single one of you! see you again tomorrow, insyaAllah!

semangat politik.

it all started with a text message my studied-in-malaysia sister had received. with a dropped jaw and wrinkled forehead, i could not help but surf the internet for more.

i saw this.

and then found this.

and then this and this.

(i just got to know that Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim has a blog. i am slow like that when it comes to politics and politicians.)

it is way too familiar, this allegation and all.

you are in my du’a, DSAI and family.

i like his wife and daughter. i want to befriend his daughter. jadi kawan dia kena tangkap tak?

in love.

so let’s see.

it is saturday today.

is tomorrow monday?

no?

oh, man.

well i can wait.

can i, really?

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GIVE ME SYAIKH KHALIL MOORE’S WORKSHOP NOW!

this is the effect of the tear-jerking, heart-moving film screening followed by the amazing, intriguing and enlightening talk by Shaikh Khalil Moore, hafizahullah.

stay tuned for more, insyaAllah.

♥

little miss chantiQue and little miss pretty drubilee,
those few seconds when you kissed my hand and i kissed your cheeks,
how could i ever forget…

Protected: the trunk call from cairo.

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how could i not love You…

a decision was made yesterday afternoon. a decision i did not fancy but i had to in order to make my life journey - in singapore - a smooth one. a final decision for the sake of my Loved One. a definitive sacrifice for the sake of my loved one.

last evening, i cried my heart and lungs and intestines out. those tears were for the decision i had made. those tears were for this yearning inside which i had to battle with since ummi, rahimahallah, went away. i know it would seem like a tiny and insignificant matter to most of you, but to me, honestly, it is a humongous, major one. i cried till i could cry no more. my eyes swelled as well as my head. and then i took the deepest breath ever and braced myself to continue marching this temporary journey. i got lost in thoughts…

but not until a few hours later…

Allah jalla jalaaluhu, gave me a surprise after only a couple of hours. an immense one. so huge that i started crying all over again. the swollen eyes and swollen head became heavier and heavier by the minute. the heart pounded so hard i could hardly breathe. the hands got so cold it became numb.

last night, at 11.20 pm to be exact, i received not one, but two very pleasant and extremely pleasing emails.

to the sisters who have sincerely been keeping me in your du’a, thank you so much. jazakumullahu ahsanal-jazaa’. your du’a(s) are the reason the blessing is being bestowed on this slave, the faqeerah.

more later, insyaAllah.

♥

41 : 46 : “Your Lord is not at all unjust to His slaves.”

40 : 31 : “… and Allah wills no injustice for His slaves.”

18 : 49 : “… and your Lord treats no one with injustice.”

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and abang mem, I LOVE YOU.
SO MUCH.

it is ummi’s birthday today, rahimahallah.
al-fatihah.

try not to laugh.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one..
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

(source: http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/15984.htm)

birthday speech?

i am not sure if this is a good thing to do in the middle of the night. i am not sure if i should share whatever is inside. all i am pretty sure of is having him by my side just feels sooo right.

i could find no man, not a single man like him. i am not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill but he has been THE mountain since forever. astaghfirullah, i know i should not praise him so high. i could not help it. i mean at this age of the world, where in the wide earth could i find a man like him??

we are living in singapore. in singapore. and we i have acknowledged the one fact that to practice Islam as a whole here in this cost-of-living-will-never-stop-increasing country is pretty much challenging. we i see others with the latest pink gadgets, we i want one too. we i see others with cute black abayas, we i want one too. we i see a nice piece of black bag, we i want to make a purchase even after taking into consideration the increasing number of still-can-be-used black bags that we i have already owned. (i did not get the chance to buy any of the said, though, because i am saving for.. erm.. something. no, not wedding. so if you feel like buying me any of the aforementioned, tolak rezeki i shall not.) we i get impatient easily. we i get emotional effortlessly. we i do get sick and tired of people at times. (especially during the testing times.) we i give precedence to myself over others at times. and i could go on and on and on.

him, on the other hand…

he is so gonna kill me if he reads this…

okay i have changed my mind. i am not going to write anything about him. but i believe you have already gotten the gist, have you not?

you know, he is my inspiration. my source of inspiration after Rasulullah, peace be upon Him, after ummi, after abah, rahimahumullah. never once did he whine or grumble. never once have people seen him without a smile on his beautiful, bright face. never once did he give in to the nafs. never once did he prioritize himself over his family, over anyone. never once was he annoyed. he finds wisdoms behind each experience and occurence. he does not care about any, ANY worldly stuff. whatever he does, he does it for Allah and Rasulullah (peace be upon Him), for ummi and abah, for my other siblings and me, for Islam and the other muslims. he is just so perfect to me.

and now i feel like crying. i love him so much. i do. really. i can’t thank Allah enough for this exceptional ni’mah. i can’t thank ummi enough for raising a child so perfectly fine, inwardly and outwardly. i can’t thank abah enough for molding him into what he is. i can’t thank him enough for every sacrifice, for all the sacrifices, for every single thing, for everything.

him - my teacher, my brother, my bestfriend.

my dear brother, my dear abang mem, happy belated birthday.

so much for not going to write anything about him, huh?

♥

ps : much-missed sisters of mine, i have already registered myself for Syaikh Khalil Moore’s, hafizahullah, workshop and film screening. jom ah.

know your enemies.

Imam Ahmad b Sahl, May God have Mercy on him, mentioned,

“Your enemies are four:

The world, whose weapon is the people, and whose prison is isolation;

Satan, whose weapon is satiation, and whose prison is hunger;

The undisciplined soul, whose weapon is sleep, and whose prison is night vigil;

and vain inclinations, whose weapon is speech, and whose prison is silence.”

(http://www.newislamicdirections.com/nid/notes/know_your_enemy)

of insensitivity.

no, seriously, you would have to experience the death of a family member, specifically the death of your mum and your dad, to really comprehend what and how it is like to be in my torn shoes.

i am not sad because i strongly believe.

i do not need sympathy. just be sensitive.

muna has been busy…

(in random)

… with darul furqan’s weekend madrasah.

… with darul furqan’s exam preparation.

… preparing to be busy printing the report slips for the students starting next week.

… revising darul furqan’s learning system for the second semester.

… converting the driving licence. (like finally.)

… with the never-ending midnight meetings with the handsome brother and the beautiful sister.

… with the paling cute baby nephew who is looking more and more like the handsome brother each day.

… handling the mixed feelings inside.

… preparing for amore. (what? cannot mah?)

… pretending to be okay when actually she is not.

… fighting off the persistent tears which always appear without warning.

… yearning for the moment when she could hug her mother and father again. (wait a minute, that moment would be THE moment, would it not? now she REALLY can’t wait.)

… falling in love with Imam Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah.

… picking out places to study at. (syria? tarim? sharjah? egypt? she still is in love with seeking knowledge. traditionally especially.)

… replying to emails.

… worrying about her death.

… worrying about her life after her death.

… worrying about her current situation. (she thinks she does need a total closure too.)

… worrying about her much-loved “twin” sister. (don’t hate. come back soon. just come back.)

… thinking of ways and shortcuts and doors for her to reach Allah and Al-Habib ‘alaihissalatu wassalam. (parents are no longer around to be her ultimate shortcut to HIM and HIM. so. let’s see. yes. she needs a husband. the perfect shortcut. or is it?)

… deciding on suitable dates and books for the commencement of Halaqah Season 2 and Arabic Coaching.

… marking the calendar for the series of lectures by both Shaykh Khalil Moore and Habib Abdullah Almasyhur. (details can be found here)

… thinking of what to buy for the handsome brother’s birthday which is around the corner. (she is thinking of ‘buying’ him a wife.)

… planning strategies to build a tarim in singapore. (unlikely to happen.)

… planning ways to bring all of the female graduates and future graduates of Al-Azhar together for an evening of hugs and kisses. and more.

i miss bunniy.